One Kiss
by sdbubbles
Summary: It's the week before Christmas, and Gerry drunkenly does something he may live to regret. And when it distracts Sandra into an accident, what will happen? Will they spend Christmas on bad terms? Joint story with BethyBoo97!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a joint story between me and BethyBoo97, set around a week or so before Christmas.**

**Hope you enjoy this!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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In the dim light of the local pub, Sandra, Jack, Brian and Gerry were together at their yearly little Christmas get-together. Sandra, for once, was more sober than Jack and Gerry and more alert than Brian.

In fact, while she'd only had two small glasses of wine and Jack was tipsy, Gerry was full out drunk. So drunk that he was smiling like a fool. She leaned across Gerry to get her bag from the back of his chair. She had to hold on to the table so she didn't fall onto the hard floor as she stretched her flexibility to its limits, but she twisted towards Gerry as she did so.

And before she realized what had happened, a pair of lips were on hers and a pair of hands were gripping gently onto her arms. She started kissing back until reality hit her and she realized who was kissing her. There was a spark inside her that told her to keep kissing him, but actually, the fireworks scared her. So she recoiled away from him and looked in horror at her three boys. Reality snapped her back to where she was and who she was with.

She decided she couldn't have this. She couldn't have this sort of thing in her unit. "What the hell was that, Gerry Standing?" she demanded hotly. She looked around at Jack, who was smiling into his glass, and round to a rather shocked Brian.

"I..." he tried to start, but he was actually too drunk to give an excuse. He just stared into his seventh empty glass and tried to think up a reason for kissing a woman who would be quite happy to kill him utterly dead for it. "Christmas spirit?" he smiled pathetically.

Sandra slapped him across the face, furious. He looked shell-shocked when she withdrew her hand, both at her actions and his own. To be honest, she was shocked too. What shocked her most of all was that, for reasons she couldn't quite understand, she had kissed him back. She was angrier with herself than she was with Gerry. She hadn't thought she'd hit him hard, but when she looked back at him, she could see tears building up inside his eyes and her hand print red on his cheek.

She stalked out and into the car park for some air, until she cleared her head and decided what to do. This couldn't happen. She couldn't let him get to her like this. Although, she did wonder if he was as drunk as he appeared or if this was one of his more annoying jokes.

Suddenly, Brian was next to her, the only one sober enough to understand fully what just happened. "Don't take him too seriously, Sandra," he told her. "He's -"

"Drunk?" Sandra finished for him. "Yeah, I'd noticed that," she sighed. She left him standing there and went back for her bag before she went home. She glared at Gerry, daring him to utter a single word to her. She was fuming. If it was supposed to be funny, it most definitely wasn't. Gerry just looked up at her, the look in his eyes telling her he didn't really fully know what was going on.

She didn't think she was over the limit but she didn't care if she was; she was going home. She was driving home herself, because, right now, what she wanted more than anything was just to curl up on the sofa with some music and a glass – maybe a bottle – of dry white wine to take her mind off what Gerry had just done, in his drunken idiocy.

She started the engine and put the radio on as a distraction from her fury with herself and Gerry. She then decided to start making her way home, taking the road carefully in the dark and the cold. But her thoughts wandered in different directions. She wasn't thinking about driving anymore – that was now on a sort of auto-pilot. She was wondering why she had kissed Gerry back after he made his move on her and why she had even put herself in that position. Couldn't she have just asked Brian to pass her bag over the table to her? Although she wasn't drunk, she was finding it hard to think straight.

She was kicking herself. True what they say, then. Hindsight really was a wonderful thing. She was Sandra Pullman, for Christ's sake. Sandra Pullman just didn't put herself is that position. Especially with Gerry Standing!

Sandra had no idea _why _she was so angry. Was it because he had invaded her personal space? Because he could only have the courage to do that when he'd been drinking? Or maybe it was because she had _liked _that he had kissed her. That thought was frightening.

Suddenly as she was turned the corner she found the car spinning on some black ice. It spun around like someone was whipping it around on a piece of string. She had no control whatsoever. Something Sandra was not used to. For some reason, she took her hands off the wheel and shouted, "God help me!"

Her hands were in the air and there was no going back now. She had given up any control she had on what happened now. The car slammed into a brick wall and the windscreen imploded, showering her in glass that ripped through the inflated airbag. There was a sharp pain on the back of her hand and she could feel blood trickling from her head.

She groped around for her bag on the passenger seat, feeling her way through the contents until she found her mobile phone. She dialled 999 and when they asked what her emergency was she replied, "I need an ambulance. I've crashed my car."

"Can you tell me where you are?" the operator asked. Now, there was a question. She squinted out the window and looked for the name of the street.

"Highland Road," she read out slowly, making sure she had got it right.

"How badly are you hurt?" she was asked and she quickly assessed her injuries. The pain in her head and hand and neck were quite unpleasant, and her foot felt like it had been twisted the wrong way.

"I've cut my head and hand and I think I've twisted my foot and neck," she answered trying to remain as calm as she could which was no where near calm enough for her liking. "I'm a police officer," she added. "I know that I can't get out of the car until I've been checked for worse injuries."

"OK," the operator said. "Stay where you are. Paramedics are on their way to take you to A & E."

"Thanks," Sandra sighed as she hung up the phone. Brilliant. She had crashed the car thinking about Gerry and he was the first person on her emergency contacts list.

So much for a night alone with some pop music and a bottle of wine. Now she was stuck with Gerry after his stupidest move yet. She remained silent while she was taken out of the car, only speaking when spoken to. And by the time she was in A & E, she was dreading Gerry's arrival, because she knew he was coming.

She still wasn't thinking straight and, just to make it worse, she was in too much pain to think rationally. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, but she knew it wouldn't be long before he arrived, especially if he learned she was in hospital.

Ten minutes later, there he was, standing there, with a look of horror on his face. There was nothing to worry about; she'd had her cuts stitched up and she'd sprained her foot and pulled a muscle in her neck. She was fine.

But a drunken Gerry didn't know that, did he?

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**Hope this was OK!**

**Please leave a review and tell us what you think!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: How are you liking this story? Let us know! And any suggestions are welcome!  
**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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Gerry saw all the cuts on her face and, at that moment, the colour drained from his. He walked closer to the cubicle she was in; her face went a funny colour of red. Like her blood pressure was sky-rocketing, for reasons he could no fathom.

"Sandra? Are you okay?" he asked her gently. "The nurse said you crashed your car." Sandra could tell from the way he was talking and the way he was standing that he was still drunk. _Idiot_, she thought bitterly.

"I'm fine, Gerry," she snapped. "Now you've seen I'm still breathing, can you go?" She was still annoyed with him and herself, but she was not going to let him know that she was just as frustrated at her own actions as she was with his.

"I've come to take you home," he stated, and the care, however drunk and ill-advised it was, in his voice was unmistakable.

"Gerry, you've drunk more than me!" she replied angrily. She wondered if he actually remembered kissing her against her will. She couldn't deny that, standing before her in the hospital cubicle, he really was as drunk as he let on. Even _he_ couldn't fake that.

"OK, well, to make sure you get home safely," he corrected himself. She got up, her face still red. It was from a mixture of anger and embarrassment that made her blood pressure rise and her cheeks flush. Gerry was the person she most wanted to be there but then he was also the last person she wanted there. She was confused. As she walked past Gerry, she spoke.

"I'm going home. Go, Gerry," she ordered him, waving her hands away from her in a gesture that quite simply told him to get lost. "I'll see you Monday." Gerry was really worried about her; he didn't really know what was going on. To him she seemed angry, but then if she was, she'd do what she normally would have done. Screamed at him. The fact that she hadn't told him she was angry with him, meant she probably wasn't.

As Sandra walked out the main door of the hospital, she'd forgotten her coat was still in her car and she'd forgotten how cold it was outside. Most importantly, though, she'd forgotten she'd totally destroyed her brand new car that she'd only acquired a few weeks before. And therefore had no means of getting home unless she took a taxi or allowed Gerry to drive her, which was a bad idea for more than one reason. But, however much she kept forgetting things, one thing remained there. The kiss she and Gerry shared.

She shook, not from the cold, but from trying to shake the thoughts out of her head. It wasn't working. She walked back into the hospital. She had thought about going back over to Gerry, who she could see was still standing in the same position. She changed her mind; she was too angry, instead choosing to walk over to the reception.

"Can you call me a cab, please?" she asked the pretty blue-eyed blonde at the desk. She considered going back to Gerry and sarcastically asked if he had kissed this blonde as well as her and two of his wives, but she knew in her heart she couldn't bring herself to dig the knife in and twist it like that. Especially since he still seemed oblivious to what he had done.

"Of course,"came the reply of the young receptionist.

It took the minutes for the taxi to arrive. This ten minutes had felt like a life time, and Gerry had spotted her sat down in the waiting room and decided to go sit next to her. It was starting to feel like he was determined to annoy her tonight. He didn't seem to realise how thin the ice he was staggering across really was. She was half-cut, in pain, irritated and embarrassed that she had kissed him back and crashed her car because of it; she did _not_ need Gerry making her feel any worse.

"Sandra?" he asked, with enough caution to tell her that her facial expression was enough to make him watch his step. "What's going on?" He looked confused, though, admittedly, a little less drunk that he had been when he decided to kiss his boss. Perhaps the shock of seeing her after her crash had sobered him up enough for him to see reality: Sandra wasn't speaking to him. She was in a mood with him.

She eyed him suspiciously, still not sure if he was as clueless as he appeared. How could he kiss her and not remember? She actually found that quite hurtful. She was upset that he couldn't remember it. Was she really so plain that she had been forgotten in a matter of a couple of hours? She certainly hadn't forgotten about him. She could still feel the heat he'd brought up in her.

"As if you don't know," she retorted, and she spent the rest of the time ignoring him. He asked again what he was meant to have done wrong, but she didn't believe that he didn't know. Gerry Standing wasn't as much of a player as he had everyone believe. If he kissed a woman, no matter who it was, she _knew_ he remembered it. Even if he was drunk.

She knew this was the right thing to do, but thought there really must be something wrong with her head if she, Sandra Pullman, was backing down from an argument. Obviously Gerry felt the same; he was looking at her as if she had lost her mind, asking her if she hit her head in the crash.

She spared him a quick glance, and felt a twinge of regret when she found that he looked genuinely hurt at her ignorance. She wasn't giving in, though, because she didn't want to mess up the friendship she had always enjoyed with Gerry.

But now that he had kissed her, she had only three options: first, she could act like it never happened, but she felt she couldn't do that. She couldn't sit wondering if he was as innocent as he pleaded. Second, she might have to keep him at arm's length from here on out, which would mean that they wouldn't be able to keep their trust and friendship. She couldn't live like that, either. The final option was to tell him exactly what happened and how she felt, and how it had felt when their lips met, but she was too scared to do that. Every option she had available to her came with a regret.

She felt a sense of relief when the taxi finally arrived and she was able to free herself from the awkwardness of ignoring Gerry. She really didn't like doing it, but it was the only way she knew how to deal with a close friend crossing the boundaries like that. That, and she felt slightly guilty for kissing him back like she knew she did. Jack and Brian might not have noticed it, and she prayed to God that Gerry was too out of it to remember it, but knowing she did that made her feel guilty.

And _that_ was the crux of the matter: she was terrified of what she had felt the second he attacked her lips with his.

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**Hope this is alright!  
**

**Please feel free to leave us a review and tell us what you think!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter 3! Hope you guys like!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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Sandra soon found herself at home alone with a bottle of her favourite wine. She'd tried everything to forget. Music, watching TV, drinking what was probably too much. The effects of her painkillers had worn off on the way home, and she refused to take any more of them. She could handle physical pain better than anyone she knew, and she had drunk enough that it served as anaesthetic anyway.

Nothing worked. The memories of the kiss were still there, as were the feelings she'd experienced when he'd kissed her. They wouldn't leave her alone. She no longer felt guilty for kissing him as much as he had kissed her; how could she when it was what she wanted? What she had unwittingly been flirting and joking her way towards ever since she'd finally warmed up to him being in her unit.

She felt like she was being tortured; she wasn't herself. The Sandra Pullman she knew and liked was always in control. How could one silly drunken kiss have changed this? Was it the fact this was what she had wanted for a while now? Or just the circumstances it happened under? Either way, she had no idea what to do next.

Sandra was almost asleep when the doorbell rang at nearly eleven o'clock at night. She got up and opened the door to find Gerry. He looked more sober after the night's events and his face was as red as a strawberry.

"What do you want? It's eleven o'clock, or were you to drunk to notice?" Sandra snapped at him. She hated the wounded appearance his face took on at her tone, but she couldn't help herself. Actually, she was beginning to realise that she always took her frustrations out on poor Gerry. It had to annoy him, didn't it?

"Can I come in?" he asked her. She wondered what would happen if she did let him into her home, but she had a feeling that she would regret it. She had to wait until he was sober enough to really understand her words before she even attempted to talk to him.

"No. I think it would be best if we just spoke on Monday." He looked hurt, and it made her feel bad, but this was the way it had to be until she felt more in control. If neither of them were controlled – him through sheer drunkenness and her through alcohol, trauma and agitation – she dreaded to think what could have happened. It could range from a row that could end their friendship for good to ending up in bed together and then deciding it was a terrible idea, making things awkward between them. No. It was best to wait until they both were sober and she was calmer.

"If that's what you want," he sighed miserably. Sandra shut the door and made her way to the kitchen to grab another bottle of wine, which probably wouldn't help the way she was feeling in the slightest.

She sat down on her sofa, trying to think about something which didn't involve Gerry. This was easier said than done. Whatever she told herself the fact remained: Gerry was the most important person to her; she couldn't let one silly kiss mess it up.

Ever since they'd met the tension was obvious and the constant flirting between them had meant both of them had known something was going to happen at some point. But why that night? She had no idea how to cope with all this and what to do next, but she had the whole weekend to try to decide. But she was dreading Monday morning when she had to face Gerry.

She tried to calm herself down. By Monday Gerry would probably remember what had happened and then they could try to have a calm conversation. Although with Sandra involved, it probably wouldn't stay calm for long. Jack would probably not remember what had happened and even if he did, he would never know Sandra had kissed him back. Well, she hoped he would never have noticed, at least.

Then there was Brian. He would certainly remember what had gone on, being stone-cold sober all the time and having an obsessively retentive memory, but she was sure he wouldn't say anything. Anyway, he wouldn't know what, for now, was her little secret...she'd kissed back. And unless he was a mind reader, he wouldn't know how she felt.

The fact that she really had kissed Gerry as forcefully as he'd kissed her both amazed her and terrified her. On one hand, she would very much like to try it again with no drink involved. On the other, she realised she was scared of how strongly she had felt for him the moment their lips touched.

The thoughts whizzing around her head made it difficult for her to sleep at first but, after the amount of wine she'd drank, she soon found it a bit easier. She fell asleep on the sofa, only to be haunted by the events in her dreams as much as she was when she was awake. There was no escaping it. This was how she knew she had to do something, and soon, just to keep her sane. There was no way she could think this over and over and over until Monday. It would drive her up the wall!

When she woke up the next morning, she decided to text Gerry. She couldn't put it off any longer and, by now, there was a chance he may have remembered kissing her.

"Gerry, we need to talk and soon" was what she sent to him. The minutes while she was waiting for a reply were like a form of torture.

"OK. Wehn?" came his reply. Sandra felt a little bit angry by his misspelling. He was clearly still under the influence of alcohol.

"Still drunk are we, Gerry? :-P" she texted back at lightning speed. She couldn't help the face with the tongue sticking out. Served him right. His reply came back seconds later.

"No. Extremely hungover though :-(" That was a bit of a relief to Sandra. She smiled a little to herself. He was playing the face game with her. She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. It was nice to see he still remembered some of the things unique to their friendship, the things she never shared with Brian and Jack. Brian didn't even own a phone and Jack only know how to text words and even then it took him ages.

"Do you remember anything that happened last night? :-/" She would continue to put faces on the end of the messages, and she chose the frowning face to let him know that she was not happy with him.

"Um, yeah. I take it this is what we need to talk about :-S"she smiled again at the confused face with funny eyes that appeared at the end of the text. She could imagine that was exactly what he looked and felt like right now.

"Yes. I'll come to yours in about an hour :-)" An hour this gave her time to try and think of something to say to him and make her mind up about what to do. She only had three options, none of which sounded particularly appealing to her, either because it'd be hard or she was scared. What had he done to her? She was never usually like this. Whatever he'd done she had no idea whether she liked it or not.

There were two reasons why Sandra had suggested going to his instead of hers. One was probably sensible the other just so she had an escape plan. The first was he probably wasn't under the driving limit and the second being she could leave as and when she pleased.

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**Hope this was alright!**

**Please leave a review and tell us what you think of it!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying this, and thank you to anyone who has read and reviewed!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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The time flew by, but not because she was having fun, like the saying, but because she was over-thinking and worrying. She stood in her bedroom, trying to find the "right" outfit to wear; this was easier said than done for Sandra the perfectionist. She turned back around, having finally decided on a pair of skinny jeans, which, even at fifty years old, she still looked great in, and a t-shirt she'd just pulled out her wardrobe. The thoughts flying around her head were giving her a headache now, but when her phone rang, it brought her straight back to the real world. She picked up the phone, which was lying on her bed, to see it was Gerry calling.

"What do you want?" she answered the phone briskly, cringing at the tone of her voice. So much for staying polite, then. Although, she had known that attitude would go out the window soon enough. She was just too confused and uptight to be all sugary kindness to the main cause of it all.

"Well, you're late," he pointed out, and she looked at her watch only to find that he was right. "I just wanted to check you hadn't crashed your car again." She rolled her eyes at this. Would he ever stop worrying about her safety? It was always the same. From following her after thinking she could be meeting someone from Special Branch to the time she had dived for evidence to the time she had a gun pointed in her face at Pinewood Studios, he always took a great deal of interest and care for her safety.

"No, Gerry, I haven't. Once accident is enough for me, thanks," she added, though while she said it, she remembered she had crashed once before. In her mind, it didn't count, though, because it was deliberate in an attempt to stop Jack committing murder. "I'll be there as soon as I can, OK?" she promised him.

"Okay guv'. See you later."

She hung up as she ran down the stairs. She had no time for a coffee now; she needed to go. Hurrying through to the door, she grabbed her keys. As her brand new car had now been written of, Sandra had a courtesy car. She hadn't wanted to go out in this, as it was a slightly embarrassing car, especially by her usual standards of car. The plan had been wait until insurance pay for a new car. This was what she classed as an emergency; she stepped out the front door, unlocking her yellow KA as she walked down the stairs out of her flat.

"Gerry, you better make this worth it," she said to herself. This was what she had been dreading all night. Even as she slept for what little time she had, the idea of facing him terrified her.

She sat down in the car, making sure she had a pair of massive sunglasses on so no one could tell it was her. Today she was making sure she was driving carefully and slowly, but there was no ignoring the feeling her tummy. She was so worried she felt sick and her head pounded with too many thoughts. Today was the day when she either ruined her friendship forever or let someone in, told someone how she was feeling. Either way, it was a big day for her. What was usually a ten to fifteen minute drive to Gerry's had today taken nearly half an hour. She drove along at an unusually slow pace, worried and cautious beyond she believed she was capable after the events in a car the previous night.

Slowly, she came to a halt outside Gerry's. He was now watching her out the window, but she didn't feel like moving. This worried Gerry, so he came out to the car.

"Sandra," he greeted her. The sound of his voice "Any reason you're just staying in your car?" he asked her, and she could hear the hint of anxiety in his tone when he realised she just wasn't the same as she had been a mere twenty-four hours previously. And then noticed the car she was in and burst out laughing.

"Firstly, it is not my car. I'm just waiting for a new one," she clarified and again cringed inwardly at her clipped, icy tone. "And, as it was your fault I crashed my last one, don't you dare laugh at me. Lastly, yeah, I'm coming now."

He had to step back as she swung the car door open. She followed him up into his flat and just sat patiently on his sofa, waiting for him to talk. When he didn't, she thought she better start the conversation. She rather wondered where to begin with this. What was she meant to say after her best friend had kissed her fully on the lips just because she leaned over him to retrieve her bag? He really was one of her closest friends, probably the one who was most willing to endure her mood swings and sometimes awful temper.

"So, Gerry," she began her assault on him. "Tell me what you remember from last night," she said unusually softly. She hadn't meant it to come out so softly, but it seemed she had little to no control over anything she did anymore.

"OK...I remember getting a call from a nurse to say you'd crashed your car. I remember getting to the hospital and you ignoring me," he recounted to her, and suddenly she felt awful for the way she treated him last night. She had never really thought twice about talking badly to Gerry, taking her sometimes vicious temper out on him. He had become her emotional punch bag over the years, and she now realised that it had only added even more tension to their relationship.

"Well, yeah, I'm sorry about that. Do you remember anything before that?" she demanded, dreading the answer. Either he was too drunk to remember, he did remember and couldn't admit it, or he knew exactly what he did now and really did feel that strongly about her. It scared her to know it was a possibility that anyone felt powerfully enough about her to kiss her completely out of the blue after years of knowing her. And yet, if it was true, it was something she wanted to experience for once in her solitary life.

"Erm, yeah, guv'," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. She smiled inwardly; he was telling her the truth. To be fair, though, she deserved the truth after the night that kiss had caused her. "I'm really sorry."

"So you _do_ remember?" she sighed. In a way, it made it more complicated; it would have to be dealt with, one way or the other. But it also simplified things enormously. At least she wouldn't have to live with herself, knowing she had kissed him as passionately as he kissed her and he never knew that she had felt so much in those few seconds.

"Yeah, it all came back to me in my sleep. I kissed you. I'm sorry for that," he apologised again. She glared at him only because it was the only line of defence she had left to her, and she could feel her heart closing up as fast as it had been starting to finally open. Why, why couldn't she just be a normal person who could have a normal relationship and take her guard down to someone she _knew_ cared for her? The answer: she was just abnormal.

"So you should be," sniped Sandra, trying to make him feel bad. It worked, because he did give her a guilty smile. Well, more of a grimace, really. Then his face brightened, and she knew she was done for. There was only one reason his smile would transform from guilty to almost evil: he had remembered what she did. She was _dead_.

"But Sandra," he told her, more seriously than his face would have made her expect. "As far as I can remember, you kissed me back."

She went a bright colour of red, and this time she could not blame her blood pressure. This was pure embarrassment. He knew that she had kissed him. Thankfully, though, he could not possibly know why she had reacted like that. Could he?

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**Hope it was OK!**

**Please leave a review and tell us what you think!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is Chapter 5! Hope you all like it!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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She had no idea what to say to this, but her face would not return to a normal colour. She could tell him to keep away from her, but she liked him to much for this. She could try to explain how she'd felt when he'd kissed her, the downside being that this idea scared the living daylights out of her. It had to be done, though, but first she wanted to make sure.

She wandered even closer to him and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, gently pulling him closer. That's when their lips met again. This time, though, it was she who kissed him, but Gerry failed to kiss back. This worried Sandra, but what also worried her was the fact she felt stronger feelings this time. That, and she didn't feel the intense urge to break his jaw as she had wanted to do in the pub last night.

"What was that, Sandra?" he asked her. Sandra's actions had clearly puzzled him, considering she had seen Brian with a more understanding look about him when faced with a mobile phone he didn't even know how to switch on than the way Gerry stood before her now.

"Christ, Gerry, I know you're getting old and it's probably been a while since someone's done that to you," she said, suppressing a grin. "But it was a kiss."

"For God's sake! I know that Sandra," he retorted to her impudence. Was this why she had found herself attracted to Gerry? Was it because, although there were some instances when she would joyfully murder him just to shut him up, they had this strange relationship that allowed them to joke around and be cheeky to one another? "But why? I thought you hated me for it last night?"

This was it...time to pour her heart out. Now was the time for her to make herself vulnerable to him. She briefly wondered if she trusted him not to misuse that tiny area of vulnerability she had suddenly been forced to recognise in herself. But it was Gerry, for crying out loud. Even after years of watching his philandering ways, she, and God only knows why, but she really did believe she could trust him with her life. Maybe even with her heart.

"OK, Gerry," she sighed, placing a hand on his chest before letting it fall limply to her side. "Listen up."

She looked into his eyes for a moment, yet again doubting her judgement. She often forgot that her judgement was what saved them all from situations that almost ended very badly. And she realised that if she had, even for a second, doubted that judgement, it might not have been _almost_. So she had trust herself to be able to be with Gerry and not let him hurt her.

"I'm listening," he told her after she remained thoughtfully silent for a minute. She frowned at him interrupting her. Just like she always had done and always would. No matter how this went, she would always be Sandra Pullman – as tough as any substance to have sat on this planet.

"OK. When you kissed me last night…" she began, wondering how to proceed with her description of whatever it was he did to her.

"You were really angry with me," he reminded her, pointing to the red mark that lingered on his cheek. She winced in her mind as she recalled the force with which her hand had collided with his face. It stung her hand, so she really must have caused Gerry's face some amount of pain.

"For God's sake, Gerry!" she exclaimed, almost shouting in her frustration and impatience. He could be so irritating sometimes that she honestly believed he did it deliberately at times, just to get her wound up. "I said listen; not interrupt. Anyway, I wasn't really angry at _you_, was I?" she asked rhetorically. Wasn't it obvious?

Gerry pointed to his cheek again, and said to her with a smirk, "Could've fooled me, guv'." Sandra rolled her eyes with a small smile. That was the other thing that frustrated her about him; he was so dense sometimes that she had to spell the most obvious of things out to him, in terms of the feelings of those closest to him.

"Yeah, well, I was more angry with myself," she admitted.

"Because you kissed back?" he asked her. She smiled at him a little. So it had twigged, had it? The penny had finally dropped. She could see the hint of confusion in his eyes, though that could well have been his hangover talking.

"Yes," she replied, not angry at his interruption. At least it proved he understood what happened and why she was so annoyed. "I don't know what it was, but you've done something to me."

"I see," he said, nodding, but he looked vaguely irritated at her explanation. "Blame me again?"

She could hardly blame him for coming to that particular conclusion; after all, she _did _blame him for about eighty per cent of what went wrong, both at UCOS and in every day life, on him and his strangely comforting stupidity. Although it caused her nothing but hassle, it felt good to know that everyone made mistakes and everyone screwed up, even her, and Gerry often reminded her of her own humanity.

"No, no, it's not like that," she assured him with an uneasy grin. She knew what she meant but she didn't really know how to express it to him. "It feels good, but I don't know what it is. I feel it stronger every time I kiss you."

"In that case," he smiled down at her, as he was a little taller than her. "I'd better kiss you this time, hadn't I?" She beamed, realising that he had finally accepted her disjointed explanation of last night's events, and that she was finding it hard to let him in far enough to love her. What bothered her was that if he was close enough to love her then he was also close enough to hurt her, and it scared her.

He stepped forward so he was just in front of her. He placed his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, just as she had done not long before. In response, she wrapped her arms around his neck and let him press his mouth into hers; she felt the heat and electricity as they kissed this time. This time, he wasn't drunk. This time, he wasn't kissing her in a drunken error of judgement. This time, it was close to perfection.

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**Hope this is alright!**

**Please leave a review and tell us what you thought!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the little wait on posting this chapter. EMA is a pain to apply for! Hope yous enjoy this chapter, though!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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Brian lay in bed, just thinking. Well, worrying, too, he had to admit. He went over the event again and again in his mind, wondering if Sandra's anger was to be taken at face value. Sure, she had slapped him. She had snapped at him, but what could that mean? Sandra always done and said what she didn't mean if she was riled, either with someone else or even more so when she was beating herself up.

Esther next to him sighed and put her book down. "What's wrong, Brian?" she asked tiredly. "You've barely spoke since you got home last night."

"Sandra," he replied, turning over to look at his beloved wife.

"What about her?" Esther demanded. "She's fine. Cuts and bruises, Gerry said. She's absolutely fine," she reassured her husband thinking he was concerned for the safety of the youngest of his colleagues.

"No, I know that," he told her impatiently. "Gerry got drunk last night and kissed her," he said, and Esther almost laughed. That was no surprise to her. It was bound to happen, after years of them working together. Having watched them together, she always knew they would end up doing something like this. "Sandra slapped him, walked out and crashed her car."

"So what is it that worries you?" Esther asked him, confused as to the source of his anxiety.

"Well, I could have sworn that Sandra kissed him back, Esther, but she slapped him," explained Brian, as if it was perfectly obvious. But Sandra was far from simple, as he had learned over the years. She was defensive and protected her heart from everything by rarely taking risks with it. And, to be fair to her, the few times she did let it go, it always ended in heartache for her. He could understand why she was so frigid sometimes.

"Well, of course she kissed him back, Brian," Esther replied, almost dismissively. She often forgot that, when it came to matters of the heart, Brian was a bit clueless.

"What if it changes the whole dynamic of UCOS?" he said, starting to panic. "They'll either fight like cat and dog, or they'll end up together and then the whole of the unit will be changed," he fretted, making Esther smile a little.

"Brian, think about it for a minute," she ordered him. "They're practically like an old married couple anyway. Sandra spends half her life ripping Gerry's throat out and the rest of her time defending him to the boss and anyone else who'll listen to her," she told him, trying to calm him. "And Gerry spends a good bit of his life winding Sandra up to the point she really wants to kill him, but he also worries about her and protects her from anything he can."

Brian looked a little puzzled, but he did understand what he was being told. Of course, it wouldn't really change much. Either they'd argue a little more than usual, which was not much of a step-up, really, or they'd protect each other even more, which could hardly be such a bad thing.

"What difference is it really going to make?" she challenged. "Honestly, Brian. Let them get on with it. It won't change anything," she tried to reassure him gently. She knew he worried about change and what he was not accustomed to. "And if they do fall out, I'm sure Jack is more than capable of being the referee."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, love," he concurred. "Sandra acts like a nagging wife to him after all these years, anyway." He suddenly started laughing, recalling a memory from a long time ago. "There was one time she was going to go diving for evidence a few years ago," he told Esther. "She did, in fact. Twice."

"Was that when you decided we were going scuba diving?" Esther asked, vaguely interested.

"Yeah," he replied. "Anyway, Gerry was dead-set against it. He tried to call her out on it in front of Strickland, but she pulled him out into an interview room. I still wonder what happened then. When they came out, she was smiling like a smitten teenager. And he was looking a bit...embarrassed. Something tells me he said more than he wanted to."

"Wouldn't surprise me. You know what Gerry's like when he gets all protective, especially when it comes to Sandra," Esther reminded him. "Anyway, I doubt there's anything to worried about. If you ask me, they're made for each other. Who else can make Sandra smile like Gerry Standing?"

With that, she turned the lamp off and settled down for the night. "'Night, love," he sighed, finally going to sleep, not as tense about what happened as he was five minutes ago.

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Sandra lay next to Gerry as he slept off the worst of his hangover. Oh, God. What had she done? Was she out of her mind? This was a bad idea. A _very_ bad idea, that could lead to major discord in her unit. How could she work with the man she'd just fallen so quickly in love with. It had to be one or the other: work with him or a relationship with him. She couldn't have both. Nothing ever worked out like that. It would be too good to be true. And in her experience, if something seemed too good to be true, it always was.

She carefully unwrapped his arms from around her body, trying to let him sleep peacefully. When she was free of his tight grip, she collected her bag and coat and walked out. After the roller-coaster of the past twenty-four hours, the kiss, the car crash, the hospital, the realisations, she was walking. Giving up on this shot at having something she never truly thought she would ever have.

She reached the car and rested her head on the steering wheel. Now she really was dreading Monday morning. Gerry would be in such a foul mood. He would be so hurt at being abandoned like that. But she had to. She couldn't jeopardise the way her team functioned. As usual, she had put her job before all else, even Gerry.

She drove away, the tears falling on her cheeks gently. She hated herself for this. And if Gerry ripped her to shreds on Monday, then so be it. She deserved it. She earned anything he did when she had to face him in the secluded UCOS office.

Now it was her turn to drown her sorrows. When she got home, this first thing she did was grab a bottle of wine and a glass. She lay on the sofa, kicking herself for being so horrible. She just couldn't give herself up like that. She didn't know how to. All her past relationships were ones she knew couldn't work, so there had never been any real commitment involved. After all, sleeping with a married police officer, or having a no strings relationship was not very grown up. It was, to her, cowardly. Running away from anything permanent because she didn't want to give herself to anyone.

Her phone rang, and the screen showed her brightly that Gerry Standing was trying to get hold of her. Messages began to pop up over the next hour, all of which remained unopened. She couldn't read them; they would break her resolve. She needed to get past this and act like a grown woman, not a teenage girl. A real, loving relationship could not be sustained with her involved.

She did not walk out of this because she didn't love him – by God, she loved him – but because she knew she would screw it up, one way or another. And she couldn't do that to him, or herself.

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**Hope this is alright!  
**

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**Sarah and Beth xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is Chapter 7! Sorry about the little delay - Beth wasn't well and I've been rushed off my feet all week with college and EMA and God only knows what else!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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Monday morning came around all too soon for Sandra's liking. She woke at half past six that morning and saw that her phone had three missed calls and six text messages, all of which she ignored. She had put it on silent, knowing that if she was needed at work they would call her house if she didn't answer the mobile.

She sighed as she stepped in the shower, noticing the hard frost on the window. To most, she though it added to the Christmas spirit, but, even only four days shy of Christmas Day, she didn't feel any of that spirit at all. She was working until Christmas Eve, which probably didn't help. The situation with Gerry put a damper on things, as well. What she wouldn't give to be strong enough to see a relationship right through.

She had bought presents – she had done every year since she was placed in control of UCOS – but it wasn't really about the presents for her. She hated that, every single year, she spent it either with her mum or with herself and a good couple of bottles of wine.

It was only quarter past seven when she was dressed, with her hair and make-up done, in her kitchen making coffee. She was actually starving, but all she could find in her cupboard was some stale bread and some cereal she can remember being there last Christmas. "There goes that plan, then," she sighed to herself.

Of course, there was always the tiny baker around the corner that opened at six every morning, and just happened to serve hot bacon rolls, even at this time of a cold December morning. Not very healthy, she knew, but those were the breaks when she didn't do any proper grocery shopping for months at a time, deciding instead to live on takeaways and cheap white wine. So she grabbed her coat, pulled on her high-legged flat boots over her blue jeans, since she had found out that high heels and ice don't exactly cooperate with each other, and walked out the door, grabbing her purse and keys as she went.

But when she got to the bottom of her front steps, she collided with somebody. She looked up from fastening her coat and groaned lightly. "What the hell are you doing here, Gerry?" she growled at him. He stared at her for a second, looking very taken aback by her aggressiveness and hostility.

"You been avoiding me?" he asked her, and she knew she had to just walk away from him. The only way was the silent treatment. Immature, but effective. In the interest of her own heart, she walked up the road towards the baker. Gerry followed her; she didn't really expect him to give up so easily. It was a testament to who he was that he tried his utmost to make her speak to him, all the way from her home to the bakery. He tried anything and everything from small talk to impudence, never finding anything effective enough to even make her look at him.

When she reached the entrance of the tiny establishment, she turned on Gerry and told him, very icily, "I'll see you at work." Her tone matched the chilliness of the air that was almost stinging her bare, raw fingers and numbing her nose. Of course he didn't give up, instead choosing to wait outside in the cold for her to leave.

She stalked in the door of the baker, and asked the old man behind the counter for a bacon roll, handing him the money. "Do you mind if I sit over there with this?" she asked the man, pointing to the low, wide window sill. "It's a bit cold out there."

"Of course," he answered kindly. She liked this old man. Jasper, his name was, and he'd owned this place long before Sandra moved in to her current home, which was years ago in itself. He was always kind to her, and occasionally gave her free coffee when the shop was quiet. "Wouldn't want you catching a cold, now, would we?" he added with a smile.

She returned the smile and thanked him, going over to sit on the flat wooden panelling. She stared out the window at the sky, and she wondered why she was doing this to Gerry. God, never mind Gerry. What was she doing this to _herself _for? It was madness. Falling in love so suddenly, acting on it and then putting a stop to it, never really giving herself the chance to prove herself. And now Gerry would never be able to prove his worth to her. She didn't even know if he would remain her friend. Really, she had to admit, he would have every right to hold it against her and never speak to her again. She wouldn't blame him. She would shout the odds at him eventually, but she wouldn't really blame him.

And anyway, what right did she have to him? She was his boss. She was his friend. But she was not lover material. She had learned that by now, surely. The answer was that she had no right whatsoever to play with him like that. He was not hers, and he never would be. She wasn't entitled to him, however much she wished she was good enough. She was harsh and cold, and could never be good enough for Gerry. It was kinder to leave him alone.

She wouldn't pretend, though, that she was stopping whatever this was in it's tracks to save him the pain of her actions. For the most part it was because she was too cowardly to try. Too scared of getting hurt to dare to take a chance with her already pretty battered heart.

Jasper was suddenly besides her, holding out a steaming hot mug of coffee. "You look like you could use it," he smiled at her warmly, handing her the mug very carefully so she didn't spill any on herself. "You look in pain," he informed her.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I got pretty beat up in a car accident the other day. Nothing broken or anything, thankfully," she replied to his concern, but she had a feeling he wasn't referring to the tiny cuts on her face or the stitched ones on her hand and head.

"Ah," he said, but she knew he wasn't done with her. "But I was talking about matters of the heart, young Sandra," he explained to her.

Sandra let out a soft laugh. "It's been a long time since anyone called me _that_!" She was, after all, the wrong side of fifty now. But he was even older. Jasper had to be about seventy odd, still running his little bakery with his daughters and grandson.

"I get the feeling you've been running a little too long," he told her. "You know, in my experience, being tough isn't keeping people at arm's length so nobody can hurt you. Sometimes being tough is doing those things that scare you to death, just to see what happens," he smiled, patting her shoulder lightly.

"And when you get hurt?" she demanded of him.

"_If _you get hurt," he corrected her, "you forgive but you don't forget. You learn from it and you don't make the same mistake again." She gazed up at him, and saw that, in all his wisdom and experience, he saw right through her. He knew she wasn't that cold and cruel. He knew that, for whatever reason, she was terrified of falling in love.

"And if I hurt him?" she asked in what was almost a frightened whisper.

"Forgive yourself and I'm sure, if he really loves you, he'll forgive you as well. It's not as scary as you think, you know," he said to her. "And if we're talking about the man you gave the cold shoulder to before you came into my shop," he smiled, so she knew that he saw what happened, "he's in love with you. Why else would he follow you all the way up here in this awful weather and be waiting for you outside, just for you to tell him to get lost?"

"I can't do it," she confessed to the old man after she'd turned her head to spot Gerry waiting outside, with his old-fashioned glasses and is still thick grey hair. It was true enough. She knew she wasn't strong enough to make it. She knew she wasn't right for him. And she _knew _she was too scared to just jump in with both feet and see what happened. That just wasn't her at all.

"Do what's best for _you_, Sandra," he implored her. She drained the mug of the last of her coffee and thanked him for his kindness and advice, touching his shoulder lightly as she left for her home, finally deciding it was time to go to work. What was the worst that could happen? A massive, friendship-ending row, that's what could very well happen.

Or, even worse, he could never speak to her again. Or, even worse than that, he could force her to explain herself. The thought terrified her. After all, how was she supposed to tell him she was too much of a coward to even try and make a go of it with him?

She walked out the door, roughly pulling the knots out of her hair with her hands; the cold weather always did this to her. She went to walk home but found something blocking her path.

She was terrified, and she wouldn't even have a chance to think this over, considering he was by the door waiting for her, trying to smile at her. She couldn't help but notice the hurt in his eyes. She felt so bad. This had to stop now. She had to something about this, and now.

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**Please leave us a review and let us know what you think!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So sorry for how long this update took! I think life got a little bit hectic on us both, and then I finished this chapter and then forgot t send it back! Doh!**

**Sarah and Beth xx**

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"Gerry?" Sandra said, leaving out her icy tone in the bout of guilt that came to her very suddenly. She couldn't bring herself to treat him any worse than she already had. She'd spent years shouting at him, blaming him, making fun of him, taking her anger out on him...and yet somehow, she couldn't make herself hate him to protect herself.

"Yes, Sandra?" Gerry replied, feeling relieved that she'd spoken to him in a tone absent of that iciness which scared him just that tiny bit. That frigidness only entered her voice when she was too livid to shout and bawl at him, and it was always when he knew not to argue for fear of his job, his pride and quite possibly his health.

Any sense of self-preservation abandoned Sandra for just a moment as he softened the hard, set lines in her face that told the world she was sticking to her decision. Just long enough for her to state what they needed, but what she dreaded: '"We need to talk."

"I know. Why do you think I came to see you this morning, then followed you to the baker and waited outside for you in this weather?" She felt even worse at this, which was strange for her - she didn't think she could feel any worse. She didn't know what to say, so instead chose to stay silent. "So let's talk."

"Not here, Gerry." She wanted to tell him they could talk at hers, but the words just wouldn't come out. She was scared of what he'd say; she was scared about what was going to happen next, but for some reason she didn't want to be alone with him. She didn't trust herself around him anymore. She hated feeling out of control. "How about we talk at yours?" Sandra managed to get out.

"Sandra it's about -3 degrees and your house if just down the road. Why don't we just talk at yours?" She just nodded. If she put up any more of a fight she'd have to explain why she didn't want to talk at hers. Something she really didn't want to have to do.

The pavement had not been treated and was hazardously slippy. Something she discovered the hard way when she lost her footing and fell backwards. A strong pair of arms caught her, and when she looked up, she saw Gerry's face, and she felt her heart crack at the prospect of pushing him away from her. She was doing this for one reason, and one reason only, and as she gazed up at his face for that tiny moment, she realised that reason wasn't a good enough one.

She stood upright and pulled herself forcefully out of his grip. She was sending him a message: stay back.

Sandra walked up the steps to her house to open her front door, Gerry following a few steps behind. Sandra threw her bag down as she stepped inside her front door and walked through to the living room to sit down, hoping Gerry would follow, which he did.

She stared into nothingness and realised just what her life had become. She knew nothing of love and hope. She worked. It was all she had. A one track life. This...accident...was the closest she'd come to letting herself _feel_ in years. And just her luck, it was a huge lapse in judgement.

After a while sat in an awkward and thoughtful silence, Gerry chose to speak.

"Have I done something wrong, Sandra?" she shot him a strange look which he couldn't read. "It's just the other night things were perfect. Then when I woke up you weren't there and you didn't answer any of my calls or texts. I was worried." She smiled when he reminded her of that night, but the smile soon disappeared. Now she realised she had to pour her heart out.

"No, Gerry, you haven't done anything wrong." She didn't add that she was being cowardly, or that by now it was very much possible that she was incapable of sustaining anything worth having. She left those thoughts to float around the room unsaid, hoping to God he wouldn't see them.

The confusion on Gerry's face was unmistakable. He was not unintelligent, and he was well accustomed to Sandra's greatest strengths. He also knew of her most crippling shortcoming; she was scared of showing weakness. And he was beginning to believe that was what was at the root of all this. "Then why did you leave and ignore me?"

"I can't do this." It was a statement of was Sandra honestly believed was pure fact. In fairness, she'd never really tried anything as potent as this love she'd found in Gerry. It was something she was unaccustomed to, and it was something she didn't know how to handle.

"Do what, Sandra?" She knew he was genuinely confused now – after all, how could he understand her actions when he wasn't a mind reader?

"Allow myself to let someone in. What if I hurt you or mess everything up? What if this messes UCOS up" Most of all though I'm scared, if I let you in you have the power to hurt me." He looked shocked. He'd never seen her so honest and yet so cruel to herself at the same time. She was actually denying herself the option of what was possible because she was feared what could happen.

"It'll be OK, Sandra, you wont mess it up. Believe me there is nothing you could do that would change how I feel about you. And about me hurting you, I wouldn't dare do anything that meant hurting you." This was the moment he chose to kiss her; she kissed back but only until she remembered what this chat was about. This was about ending this, here and now. Not digging a deeper hole to fall into.

"No. Gerry I can't do this. You can either be my friend and forget all about this or…" she hated the other option but she had to put it out there. "...we stop talking as of now."

"Well, I can't just be friends with you. I love you to much. It would kill me. So I'll email you my resignation later today and then you'll never hear from me again." He stood up before Sandra could object and stormed out of her house. She couldn't believe the simplicity of what had just happened. How easy it was to get him to do what she wanted. That frightened her. That ability to get what she wanted and not even have to shout and scream and argue to get it

"Oh god, what have I done?!" Sandra said to herself as tears rolled down her cheeks. For now though, she had to put on her brave face and show no-one how much she was hurting. Now was time for work. She could cry later.

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Sarah and Beth xx**


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